“It’s a slow fade…”
One of the best things about life is the many ironies that come with it. I’m sure that you have experienced your fair share of this and know exactly what I am talking about.
I can hear Casting Crowns singing this song in my head. ‘It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray… People never crumble in a day, it’s a slow fade…’ I remember the first time I heard this song. It was a regular day, all was well with the world and I was on my way to school. Earphones in; world tuned out.
The lyrics really got to me. They carried a sad message. My eyes welled up with tears as I remembered all of my used-to-be Christian friends. I can’t help but remember all the great things they were able to do before, along with all the things they are doing now. It’s like they go out of their way just to purposely ruin their own lives. I remember thinking to myself ‘It’s so great to be saved, to be able to walk with God. Why would you ever think of walking away from Him?’ I never quite understood.
Are you ready for the ‘ironic’ part?
Today, I realized that I have been slipping away from Him. I don’t really spend my time with Him anymore. I’m losing interest in attending church services. I’m not eager to serve, not even to have fellowship. I used to be sooo hungry for more of Him, to get to know Him as much as the human mind can possibly handle. Today, I don’t find it appealing at all.
I’m afraid that I’m slipping back into the world. I don’t want that. The problem: it seems that I don’t want God either. I’m standing on the very line that is separating God and the world. One more wrong step and I fall into the abyss of brokenness. I have the power to step towards the right direction, but I’m not taking that one easy step.
And then I realize, all those people who went back to their own lives… they didn’t exactly consciously choose to backslide. I understand what ‘slow fade’ really means now. One day you just miss out on reading your Bible, the following week you start to skip out on services, the next month no one will even see you in church anymore. And sometimes, when you get to this point, you just get so discouraged and ultimately give up.
People don’t realize it when they are starting to fade away.
Today, I find myself in the exact position many backsliders were once in.
I try to think back and remember how my life was before I got saved. It was empty. And I don’t ever want to go back to living an empty life again, a slave to the world. I will seek God and He will grace me with His glorious presence. I know this season will pass. I have hope in Him.
I find peace in knowing that my God is sovereign. And somehow, what I’m going through right now is still part of this amazing plan that He has for me. I may not believe it in my heart right now… but it will eventually sink in from my head to my heart.
If you’re feeling far from God as well, don’t just let go. This could be a teaching moment. I’d just like to remind you (and myself) that everything works out for the good of those who love Him. God is still sovereign. He can change your heart. He will refresh your heart.
Maybe this is a cry for help. Please pray for me, you who are reading this.